Righto, gather round, because the 2025 instalment of Red Sox versus Cardinals was less a baseball series and more a six-hour group therapy session with a scoreboard attached. Boston rolled into St Louis looking like a team that had finally worked out how a bullpen functions, and the Cardinals rolled out in their traditional red, looking like a choir that had accidentally wandered onto a diamond. What followed was three games of genuine nonsense: home runs that shouldn't have cleared the fence, defensive plays that looked rehearsed, and at least one moment where a catcher and a pitcher had a full-blown conference about nothing at all. If you enjoy sport played at the highest level with the structural integrity of a soggy biscuit, this was your weekend.
Both managers treated their bullpens like a fridge at a share house — open it, stare at it, close it, open it again, then order takeaway. Boston's relief corps managed to hold a lead for approximately eleven minutes across the whole series, which is impressive when you consider how much effort goes into throwing a baseball 95 miles an hour. St Louis, meanwhile, went full suburban dad and used six pitchers in a game nobody asked them to complicate. Somewhere in the middle innings, a pitching coach made a mound visit so long that the umpire started checking his watch. The crowd began a slow clap. A toddler fell asleep. Honestly, the only winners were the vendors, who shifted a record number of pretzels.
The cultural exchange was the real highlight. Cardinals fans, famously polite, spent the series saying things like "well, that was a good effort" while Boston supporters responded with the kind of language that makes a barista put the lid on early. Somebody in the bleachers brought a sign referencing the Rally Squirrel, and somebody else brought a sign that was just a photo of a squirrel with no explanation, which is objectively funnier. The series finished with a split that pleased nobody, a run differential that made statisticians cry, and a lingering suspicion that both clubs are one healthy starting pitcher away from being genuinely terrifying. Bring on next year, when presumably the squirrel returns with a legal team.
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